Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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