You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
