Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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