Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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