Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
