i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
