I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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