That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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