I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
