Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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