but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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