I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
