Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
