her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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