I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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