Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
