Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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