I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize