i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
