Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
