Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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