Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
