I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize