What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
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he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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So I just went to clothing optional bar
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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