so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
