some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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