do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
