I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
