Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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