dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you win again, gameday.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize