I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
