Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
