i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
