FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All the doctor said was why
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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