I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
