and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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