I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
