How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
