I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
