I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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