Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
