Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
honey bunches of taint.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
