our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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