Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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