He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
