omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
