I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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