you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
