Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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