so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
