I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
