i would punch a child for taco bell
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
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I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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