Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
