Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize