he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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