The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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