My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
