no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
