Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
