i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
