Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
