Will you blow on my dice?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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