the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize